I wish

I feel like I'm causing people so much pain and trouble. Not just people I love and care for, but people in general. I think I'm the reason for all their worries and all that. I feel like I'm always thinking about me and myself. Never about them, their feelings, and their opinion. That is why I wanted to write this blog this week.

I know I dont say this much, but I do love my parents. 80 percent of the time, I strongly dislike them. But right now, I am in the 20 percent. I do realize and apreciate all the things they have done for me. Like how we moved to the appartment we are living in for now just so I could come to Alameda High. We used to live very close to Encinal High. I went to Wood Middle School, and I was signed up to go to Encinal High. But my parents knew that I didnt want to go to Encinal, so they started looking for a place to move to. This whole moving thing was all for me, my brother still goes to the same Elementry school as he did before we moved. I realize that the only reason they want me to get good grades is that they want me to get good education. Okay, maybe not the ONLY reason, but that is one of the main reasons. They have done so much for me and I still dont show much apreciation. I am the reason my mom works more hours than needed. I am the reason there are arguments and fights in my house. I wish I could find a way to fix this and actually show how much I care.

When I went back to Nepal over the summer before freshmen year started, I wanted to visit one of my best friends. We were best friends since the very begining. But somehow, I always ended up making excuses about how busy I was and stuff when all I did was sit on my ass all day long. I feel hella bad and so guilty.

I know a lot of people that don't have any regrets, and I envy them so much. It really easy for me to regret what I do and how I do things. :/